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National News, Sportz

Liberal Unions Now Ruining Professional Football

For the last four years, President Obama and his Marxist army have violently raped our economy and our core principles, and he didn’t even buy us dinner first. If you thought that it couldn’t get any worse, the president’s support of lazy union workers with no accountability has now compromised the integrity of the National Football League, our nation’s most treasured sport.

Commissioner Roger Goodell has stood firm against Ed Hochule, Mike Carey, and other referees and their greedy undeserved money hoarding, and tonight’s Packers-Seahawks fiasco has once and for all proved that labor unions ruin everything. The replacement refs, who despite their patriotism and willingness to do the same work for less money (the American Dream) don’t seem to have a fucking clue what they’re doing even when they get to go back and review their own calls, botched a game-deciding call so obvious that many people think Helen Keller could have correctly made it.

Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers said that he’s going to move to Uzbekistan and shove razor blades up his ass until the labor strike is resolved. “I’d rather get a rimjob from Rosie O’Donnell than play football after that horse shit,” he said.

World renowned refereeing expert and former player Curtis “The Penis” Enis was too busy strokin’ it and couldn’t be reached for comment.

The ball’s in your court now, original referees. You can continue to make your heinous demands for money, whores, drugs, and autographed copies of the movie Dune (it’s all in their proposed contract), but all of us hardworking Americans see through your bullshit. Let the owners and the league officials keep their hard earned money, shut the fuck up, and get back on the field.



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